I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
its liver damage thursday
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