So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
