When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize