I could have mohawked her pubes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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