So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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