that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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