Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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