My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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