Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
