Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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