I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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