The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
