I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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