the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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