capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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