I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
