i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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