i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
