Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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