This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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