it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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