quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
