it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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