WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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