Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
