genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
