I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she peed on how many people?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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