fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize