how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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