who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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