It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
