apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize