just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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