woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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