Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
