I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
