The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
