I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
