there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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