Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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