dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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