How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
