just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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