Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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