WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
