I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
