Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.

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(301): Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached. http://tfl.nu/7q2p

Replies (3) Good night (1607) Bad night (482)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

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(204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb

Replies (19) Good night (1028) Bad night (5847)
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(940): View more from Texas

I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

(1-940): View more from Texas

you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

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(940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk

Replies (47) Good night (2228) Bad night (6075)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

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(217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn

Replies (25) Good night (10718) Bad night (900)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

(919): View more from North Carolina

Are you talking about my vagina?

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(252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr

Replies (29) Good night (8792) Bad night (888)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won

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(908): Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won http://tfl.nu/nhsb

Replies (208) Good night (2223) Bad night (4229)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

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(803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8

Replies (23) Good night (1812) Bad night (6772)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.

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(513): I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is. http://tfl.nu/nela

Replies (4) Good night (2389) Bad night (880)
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(906): View more from Michigan

3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.

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(906): 3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on. http://tfl.nu/uzvi

Replies (3) Good night (1402) Bad night (598)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

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(412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme

Replies (6) Good night (770) Bad night (1594)
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(406): View more from Montana

Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.

(1-406): View more from Montana

I'm not even gonna ask.

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(406): Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you. (1-406): I'm not even gonna ask. http://tfl.nu/42tt

Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (548)
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(940): View more from Texas

I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.

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(940): I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him. http://tfl.nu/9uqa

Replies (15) Good night (2109) Bad night (822)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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(+44): By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder. http://tfl.nu/khml

Replies (4) Good night (547) Bad night (704)
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(310): View more from California

note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.

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(310): note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/m5nc

Replies (1) Good night (245) Bad night (537)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.

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(416): Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused. http://tfl.nu/e1qy

Replies (2) Good night (729) Bad night (241)

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