I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.