The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.