not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy