My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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