Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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