It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
