no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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