I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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