Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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