I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
