Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
