new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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