Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
