I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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