My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
