Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
