Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
