Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
