i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
