You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
