I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
